green eyes

Pets are hands down the best earthly example of unconditional love. They are always there for us, they don't judge us and they are completely loyal. I think this is why it is so incredibly sad when we lose an animal. Unfortunately, my family had to put down one of our cats this weekend so I thought I would write a little tribute to the big guy. 

Knickie was the first pet I really remember bonding with. My sisters adopted him when I was nine and he was a rowdy little kitty. I remember being temporarily scared of him because he scratched me, but he very quickly won my heart. Knickie was an awesome cat. He loved to snuggle. He was pudgy and rolly polly in all the right places and he just had this way about him. When Knickie walked into a room, everyone took notice. Many of my friends that visited my house often were in love with Knickie. One person even claimed that he didn't even like cats until he met Knickie. For a good portion of my teen years Nick was really my loyal companion, snuggling up at bedtime with me each night. He dealt with my teen angst better than anyone reminding that yes indeed, I am lovable. Knickers, you will always be my first kitty love and have a special lil place in my heart, strut your stuff wearing that green cape in kitty heaven.  

Rest in peace, Knickie. 1995-2011

cause I came here with a load and it feels so much lighter now I met you.

* ish

I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.

Since I have already admitted to the blogging world that I sometimes indulge in a trashy read or two, and while I rarely come across anything of substance I did find a recent article that sparked something in me. My roommate brought a bunch or gossip mags home after Christmas and even though every fibre of my being was resisting I found myself picking up the January 3 issue of Life & Style with Heidi Montag on the cover. I must admit that there was a time when I watched The Hills (and every other reality show in between) but I suppose with age and maturity comes a realization that these shows quickly begin to deaden your brain cells.

Anyway, I’m sure everyone who hasn’t been living under a rock over the past year has at least heard about Montag and the ridiculous amount of plastic surgery she underwent, all to attain the unattainable, perfection. While I do not intend to make my post all about Montag, I must say that I feel this incredible mix of disgust, shock and pity at a human being who would go to such great lengths to try and achieve outward perfection. 

The article is basically a big pity party for Montag because as we all could have predicted, the whole multiple plastic surgery thang didn’t exactly work out as she had hoped. Montag goes on, at length, to whine about all the scars and pain she now has to deal with as well as the undeniable Frankenstein feel of the whole ordeal. Life and Style asked Montag how she feels 13 months later and she responded,

“Like a different person. It’s been the hardest year of my life. Even looking in the mirror became a huge deal. Just mentally, where I am and who I am since my surgeries is completely different. I was so caught up in Hollywood that I lost track of priorities.”

Now, I mentioned before that I felt pity of Montag and I feel I need to expand on that. I DO NOT feel sad that she has trouble looking in the mirror, or that she has horrible scars and deals with excessive pain on a daily basis. There are millions of people in this world who also have to deal with those problems everyday and they did not choose to be in that position. However, I do pity the fact that Montag lost track of her priorities and became so delusional that she felt the need to undergo 10 plastic surgery procedures. 

I wish so much that there wasn't a constant focus on how people look and what fits a cookie cutter mold of beautiful and what does not. I know that I get caught up in it too and sometimes it can be really hard to pull my focus back to what is really important. I am a leader at my churchs youth group and our topic for the last couple of weeks has been about the differences between boys and girls, and whether or not we're really that different at all. Something that really strikes me is how much, and how early girls feel pressure to be thin and pretty. Upon asking 13-year-old girls what they associate with the word "girly" almost all of them said something along the lines of "makeup, pink, dressing up and spending a lot of time on your hair". While I don't think any of these connotations are necessarily bad, I do wish that girls knew that there are other ways to be girly and have it pertain to inner beauty.

I know that I have cited this verse before in a previous post but it is one of my favourites and I read it to my small group girls last week, plus it was used in the message on sunday. I really like to read it when I feel I need to be reminded of what's really important, 

 "When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23

This is what we need to focus on. Only when we find real love in our creator, do we remember that we were created to be more than what humans have decided fits as outer beauty.

This week I'm going to try and love people for their insides.

*ish

Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you.

"It will set you free. Be more like the man you were meant to be."

I think that I am learning more about what true love is. A good and very wise friend said this to me a couple weeks ago after I remarked on my love life, and even though it was kind of in passing, I have been thinking about it ever since. She said,

“You’ve only had a like life. You don’t get a love life until you’re married.”

As I think about it more and more I can really appreciate the truth, beauty and wisdom in it. I have often felt that I was not designed to play the dating game, or this game of like that a lot of people seem to get consumed in. I feel too much, I’m loyal almost to a fault and I am all too ready to hand over my heart... and my body, soul & mind. Therefore, I get hurt easily and I end up investing a lot in people who are not worth it. While I think everyone deserves having love invested in them, despite who they are or what they've done, I think I've learned that in a romantic relationship there can come a point where it is no longer worth investing your love in that person. Romantic love is on plateau of its own. 

I often wish there was a way to fast-track to the husband part and skip the playing of the field and the game of like part. I don’t know that this is possible but I feel like there has got to be a better way. I will keep thinking and writing about it.

I’m also hoping  to find love that doesn’t betray, dismay or enslave me. Because in my experience that kind of love does not set you free. It becomes a prison and strangely, a prison that you are not at all willing to even try and escape from. 

There must be a middle ground. A way to find love and not play a game. A way to invest in someone and love them but understand that my love life does not start until I am married. I suppose this will be something new to think about.

I suppose this post is more about generating thoughts rather than making a point or statement. I think it can blossom into something more and when it does I'll be sure to share. I hope everyone is having a good January and trudging through winter, sloooowly but surely. Listen & love...

*ish

I remember December...

Happy New Year ! And welcome to what, my brother has brilliantly titled the year, “twenty-stix”.

I know that  I’m a little late on the whole Happy New Year post but I thought I would still pay a little homage to twenty-ten and do a quick December picture update.  If you follow my blog, or know me at all, then I’m sure you know that twenty-ten was a bit of a rollercoaster ride for me. However, as I look back on the year what I would like to share is very positive and has just come to light for me very clearly in the final days of twenty-ten. When I look back on the year I feel I have learned a great deal about friendship.  I can remember a time not so long ago where I really felt as if I had no friends. Of course, I had friends but I felt so disconnected from anything resembling a community or even a go-to person, someone I could without question, call on as my best friend. I prayed about the loneliness and disconnect I felt for quite awhile and then I started acting. Once I started acting, by making an effort to be a better friend to those I had an opportunity to reconnect with and by making an effort to befriend new people I came in contact with, I was amazed at how richly God blessed me. For every bad thing that happened in twenty-ten I feel it can be balanced with a great person I met or strengthened a bond with. There are people I became disconnected from in the past year and that always hurts but maybe I have now learned how to be a better friend and how to better define just what a friendship entails. I am so grateful for the people in my life that I call my friends. I realized on New Year’s Eve as  I was preparing for the party I was throwing that many of the people I would be ringing in the new year with were people that I wasn’t friends with at the start of the year. I felt really amazed at how close I already felt to many of them and it made me feel like I’m headed somewhere really good. After the party someone remarked that it felt really great to be starting a new year with so many awesome people, and I agree, wholeheartedly. 

As for twenty-stix? I get a positive vibe and I would like to share what the To Write Love on Her Arms organization tweeted shortly before midnight on Friday:

“Perhaps the fuss about midnight is rooted in the possibility that things can be new. Here’s to healing, here’s to change.”

Rather than write any New Years resolution that I will probably break in a week and feel angry at myself for breaking, I want to focus on that quotation. I'm going to focus on possibility, and be open to wherever it may be that God takes me. Oh, yes and if you’re wondering about December... here’s some pictures to sum it up.

Christmas always brings lots of events centered around food but my favourite one was the potluck I shared with the best home church around!

A Christmas dinner with a great best friend at a yummy restaurant.

Just your average Christmas activity in McAuley house

The aftermath of a very generous family

A Bubbly New Years party that was alotta fun.

bubbly decorations

My latest dance partner

And finally, a lovely fortune, at a lovely reunion to usher in 2011

Your heart is pure, and your mind is clear.

Here's to twenty-stix... let's make it a good one! I think its safe to say this was the song of NYE...

Happiness hit her, like a train on track

*ish

pee ess - I had all the picture organized, and it took me forever and then when I posted they went crazy. I don't know how to fix it. Computers annoy me. thanks BYE!