My only excuse is that I don't have my own computer and I don't have the internet. HELP ME, I'M POOR!
I don't really even have anything to blog about but I did want people to remember that I still have a blog and to know that I have NOT abandoned it. I have a couple posts in the works.
Today all I want to say is that lately I have felt really good. I have this tingling feeling of being on the verge of something new. I am not quite sure what but I can already feel that things are in motion.
I think that I am starting to feel comfortable in my own body and with who I am. Due to that, I feel like I am surrounded by some amazing people who really appreciate me for me. It feels really good and I'm pretty happy to be me!
I am quite sure we're all familiar with these words, and although they may not be words every girl wants to hear, it could be the harsh reality of the situation. In fact, as everyone may know, there is a book dedicated solely to this notion by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. I realize that I am pretty late in the game in writing about this book but until recently there was only one chapter in the book that I had read and been interested in. Having spent my entire late teens and early twenties involved in a serious relationship I didn’t think that anything in the book would apply to me. As usual I was wrong. Upon browsing at Urban Outfitters one day I opened the book and saw a chapter titled:
“He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Marrying You”
I was 22 and 6 years into a relationship with someone who was barely able to even give me a slight nod in the general marriage direction at that point. This chapter terrified me but I knew that I had to read it. So I did, and looking back I think it was something that actually set our whole break-up in motion in my head. I think that there was a part of me that knew, standing there in Urban Outfitters that he and I would never get married. It was not something I wanted to face at that point and it wouldn’t be something I was even okay with or thankful for a long time after.
At this point, I know I can do better than the boy who wouldn't marry me, even if it was once a bitter pill to swallow. This gives me hope. So, knowing the solid advice the book had given me in the past I turned to it again. This time I was seeking advice on a subject that seems to keep rearing its ugly head in my “single and ready to mingle” life.
To Pursue or Not To Pursue.
The very first chapter in the book is titled: “He’s Just Not That Into You if He’s Not Asking You Out”. Seems simple, right? The logic is that a guy will go after something he wants and therefore a girl should not even bother asking because if he ain’t askin’, he ain’t interested. I get this, and yet, the little feminist in me wants to challenge. Besides, don’t men get shy? Or scared of rejection? Or busy? Or even just awkward? I really want to believe that in 2011 it is okay for a woman to ask out a man and believe that some love stories begin with this and end with a happily ever after. In fact, since I have been present in the dating arena more people have told me to be bold, to go after a guy I’m interested in, to make the first move and so on. Has it worked for me? Yes and no. Often it works temporarily but clearly it hasn’t moved me towards a happy ending. Yet...
Alas, I’m not satisfied with this. As a woman I hate to think that the best I can do is sit pretty and hope that the next guy I’m interested in is interested back. Even though I would love to be pursued and courted by a man I like, I actually long for more control that that. Its just who I am. So, I did some research, some asking around and looked back on my experiences and here are my conclusions.
I think the answer to all these questions is YES. Some men are shy. Some men are scared of rejection. Some men do get “busy” or are unavailable for reasons that have nothing to do with you. And, yes! Some men are just plain awkward. Its quite possible that all these kinds of men will still ask a girl out if he is really interested. But, maybe not. What I do like about this book is that it pushes woman to do better. If a man isn't asking you out then maybe, just maybe there is someone better out there who will. I still also think that woman CAN ask men out. Sometimes it works, and if you’re the type of woman who is bold enough, don’t change who you are for another person. Maybe you’re meant to be with a man who needs you to make at least the first move before he feels comfortable enough to take the reins. Besides, who wants a man who isn't comfortable with a woman taking the lead and making the first move?
With all this said, I do know that dating can be VERY discouraging and sometimes we want to settle for less. I'm sure all single people know this. I, for one, do not come in contact with men that I am attracted to that often so when I do, I instantly attach meaning to it and I know many other woman who do the same. Even though I sometimes feel otherwise, I know I won’t settle. I would rather be single than be with someone who isn’t that into me or someone who I’m not that into.
The book definitely points out some red flags in dating as well. At the end of the day I know I can do better than a man who is:
breaking up with me.
cheating on me.
married!
not committing to a serious relationship but intent on reaping the benefits of a serious relationship.
As my wise sister pointed out, a lot of the things in this book are just "guidelines" or "ideas" and really, all they are there for is to try and ease some of the many insecurities that swarm around the dating game. Moreover, the feminist in me wants to mention, that woman should first and foremost ask themselves, How into him am I? Maybe that's really the starting point. If I start there and finish with remembering NOT to settle, I think I can somehow figure out how to play this game a little better. And so can you. I don't know if I've settled on an answer for my initial question of whether or not I should pursue a man but I'm still learning.
It seems to me that I am always apologizing for my lack of posting these days. I feel as if I can make no excuses for it and just say that I promise to post more and I have a few topics that have been swirling my brain for awhile now.
With all that said, this post is yet another vacation update. Last week I was lucky enough to go away yet agin and this time to the lovely Varadero, Cuba. I realize how lucky I am to have had two vacations within such a short time of one another. I'm holding onto to this fact and am positive it is partly why I am holding on to my sanity during this dragged out winter we seem to be having.
This trip was one of the best weeks of my life. I went with two amazing ladies who I was sad to leave at the end of the week, experienced the most beautiful beach I have ever seen, drank, danced, met fun people and tried my best to make the most of every second. I'm walking away from this vacation with great memories and the reminder that yes, it is ok to stop and take a minute to relax in this crazy world.
Here are some of my memories...
White powder sand. It doesn't get any better
Yes I'm pale but look how beauty the ocean and sky is.
If I could watch the sun set from the beach every night, I don't think I'd ever complain again
We went on a Jeep Safari and I was really excited!
This is a cave that we swam in. NBD
My special friend Lizard after snorkeling
We left the maid presents everyday and she did sweet things with our towels. This was my fav!
We met an awesome group of guys from where else... Oakville! I had the brilliant idea to put lipstick on them one night and they all obliged... some more willingly than others.
Without a doubt, my favourite photo from the trip.
The theme song of our trip. A go-to sing along song.
A final frolick in the ocean with Lizard
A final dance on the beach at dusk.
Batman & I before dancing at The Cave
My lovely travel buddies. They're on my favourite list.
Until next time my friends, lets hope spring decides to show its face soon. I promise a real written post within the next week.
That feels tremendous to say. Sometimes I like to call myself a secret introvert because while I'm sure the majority of people who know me would call me an introvert I know some are puzzled by it. By this I mean, some people meet me and their first impression is that I'm shy, quiet and slightly awkward. However, I then turn to someone I know and feel comfortable with and I'm loud, animated, funny and possibly bordering on obnoxious at times. As well, I admit that I feel quite intimidated at one-on-one conversations with people I don't know but I am very comfortable speaking in large groups.
Another layer to the "secretness" of my introversion is that I used to feel somewhat ashamed to own up to this facet of my personality. So many positive adjectives are associated with people who ae extroverts. Extroverts are: *outgoing *sociable *talkative *warm *funny *life of the party
Introverts are often thought of as *shy *quiet *boring *dull *anti-social *snobby
For a long time I did not want to admit that I am more introverted than extroverted because I did not, and still do not want to associate myself with any of the above words. I also tend to pursue friends and be attracted to men who are more on the extroverted side and have spent a good portion of my life trying to be like those people.
As I navigate my way through my early twenties and into my mid twenties I realize that it is okay to love this part of myself and let it shine through. There are many great qualities to being introverted, and being able to write this blog is one of them. I also realize that being more introverted can be handy at work. When I can translate my quietness into a serene and calm vibe, I have learned that the babies really dig it.
Yes, I have difficulty carrying on a conversation with strangers or people I'm not completely comfortable with. Yes, I often find it hard to put my thoughts into words that I can speak to people, especially when I am emotional. Yes, I need time to myself without social interaction. But...
I also like being around people very much and I know that relationships are what keep me grounded. I may be quiet upon a first meeting with someone but it is because I also like to observe people and contemplate ideas to interact with them. I'm thankful to all the people who have looked past my quietness and put in the extra time it takes to get to know me. Moreover, I get along fantastically with humourous people because I make a great audience! I have had more than a few friends and family members tell me they enjoy having me around because I'll laugh at their joke even when no one else does. I still know how to have fun and I'm working hard to make sure I don't use "being an introvert" as an excuse not to meet new people, be compassionate and challenge myself in sometimes uncomfortable situations.
There you have it. The quiet girl speaks up. Think of this the next time you're interacting with someone who is a little on the shy or quiet side. Discovering the way my Maker made me and embracing what I find is just another one of those hurdles to get through.
Here's a song that I picked not because it has anything to do with being introverted but with judging people before you get to know them. J Biebz rocks, and before you hate, go see his movie, I guarantee you'll be suprised.
Once again, I haven't blogged in awhile but this time I have a great excuse! I was on vacation in a land filled with lush palm trees, terrific shopping, beautiful people and (usually) lots of sunshine. I went to Los Angeles and while the weather was less than pleasant, it was better than the snow storms my friends back home had to endure and the laughs I shared with my best friend more than made up for it. Seriously, we're really funny.
This was my third time visiting L.A but my first as a single lady and without any men in company, which made for an interesting and very fun adventure. We ate, shopped, made ourselves pretty, laughed, danced and enjoyed every ounce of sunshine we were blessed with. It doesn't get much better than that, does it?
Here are some highlights...
Our first walk in the sun!
Our destination? Latte's at Urth Cafe
Shopping at The Grove
Shopping at Bloomy's at The Bev Center
Justine's faggle tooth
I wish they all could be California Girls
Dinner on Sunset. Audrey Inspired
Yeah
lovely ladies before dinner at The Cheesecake Factory & drinks at Fiesta Cantina. Also know as the night I met old scruff and Justine got hit on by a swedish chick.
The newest dance move in LA. The "double slap" or The "devil's slap". Whichever you prefer
Ladies before going to Happy Endings
We met boys from Alaska and formed a flip cup team with an amazing handshake.
Somehow Dawn and I ended up on a double date.
It may have rained every night we tried to go out.
Palm trees are my favourite
Thank you to a best friend who always makes me feel beautiful inside and out, laughs with me, cries with me and gave me my best trip yet! I love you & your faggle tooth miss juxt!
Finally, I leave you with my favourite of all the songs written about California...
As many of you may know today is Ash Wednesday. When I was a child I thought it was a day to celebrate Ashley's. Of course, that is not the case, much to my disappointment. I now know that today is the beginning of lent. Many people who belong to the christian or catholic religion decide to give something up today and for the next 40 days.
I hate labels. I hate rituals and I especially hate following traditions without even knowing the significance of them. So as someone who doesn't want to label myself as a "christian" or follow man made traditions I've never actually participated in the giving up of something for lent.
Until this year. This year I had a different feeling about it and I can connect a significance to lent. Lately I have been thinking a lot about simple comforts and pleasures that are so easily taken for granted. As humans we really cling to these comforts and usually we do not even know the weight of them until they are lost. I am talking about comforts, both large in small. Whether its your significant other, a special blanket or the morning coffee from Tim Hortons. When it gets taken away from us, it can really interrupt our flow. I know from experience. I especially like routine, order and when things go according to plan.
I'll let you in on a little secret... I still sleep with my baby blanket and if you asked me to give it up today I don't know that I'd be ok with it. I would definitely have some issues getting to sleep.
With all that said, I'm starting small. I have decided to give up chocolate and pop. Two addicting, comforting things I am sure I can do without. I turn to both things in times of stress. Giving something up for lent is only worthwhile if one can use it as a chance reflect on an awesome God who should be the only comfort humans need. Instead of turning to an earthly comfort I can be reminded of the love and grace I receive from above. It's also a nice time to reflect on rebirth, fresh starts and the beginning of new habits. I leave you with this...
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, and what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18
There is so much hope in this passage. Not only do we know there is more to life on earth but it also points out the important things on earth today. Things we cannot see... love, peace, hope... Not material and man-made comfort.
"Once you've written about your Dirty Dancing calendar, its hard to top" -Sara M. Sinclair (Doesn't putting a middle initial in someone's name when you quote them make them sound so much more dignified?)
true story. As you may have noticed there has been a lack of posting lately... and really it all boils down to the fact that I really couldn't think of what to write about. Lot's of things have been going on in my life but nothing inspiring which I feel is a problem in an of itself. Life is kind of, in transistion right now so maybe thats why.
Nevertheless, here I am. A friend prompted me to get writing again last night and I realized that maybe I could at least offer up some thoughts on my transitional phase.
I can start by telling you this, the mind of ashley is usually a jumble of things and I can often be found zoning out into space. Usually its a multitude of things going on in my head but lately my mind has been specifically focused on thoughts of what to do with my life. Career-wise, that is. I used to give little thought to this and figured that I was just headed towards marriage and motherhood. Obviously, that is nowhere soon on the horizon for me and I think I've realized that there is more for me to accomplish on this earth before I take those steps.
I have been reading The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything and as the title suggests, trying to find my element or my passion. Now, I know you're probably thinking, shouldn't I already know my passion? This is what I used to think as well but this book has been eye-opening for me. I had never considered many of the obstacles one may encounter on the road to finding one's element. Up until very recently I had thought myself to be quite passionless. Of course, there are things I am passionate about but I don't know that I had really found a perfect little niche or habitat where me and my passion fit.
Reading The Element has also helped to put into words why I no longer want to be a teacher, something I had previously felt called to do. Reason's that have led me to feel so passionless. Here's a little excerpt that gives a peak into it...
"...young children are wonderfully confident in their own imaginations. Most of us lose this confidence as we grow up. Ask a class of first graders which of them thinks they're creative and they'll all put their hands up. Ask a group of college seniors this same question and most of them won't. I believe passionately that we are all born with tremendous natural capacities, and that we lose touch with many of them as we spend more time in the world. Ironically, one of the main reasons this happens is education. The result is that too many people never connect with their true talents and therefore don't know what they're really capable of achieving. In that sense, they don't know who they really are." (Robinson xi)
I have felt passionless, uncreative and stifled by never being able to fit in with the normalcy that formal education requires for, probably as long as I can remember. Until now. Until I have began to realize that maybe this isn't how it is supposed to be. Maybe God has more for me. I work with children under the age of five, and one of the things that I love about it is seeing this inherent creativity that is completely untarnished. I recently read an article that challenged me to look at my current job and wonder to why God has placed me there for this moment. Maybe thats why. Maybe I needed to be reminded of how creative people are before we are squashed like bugs by life.
As I have been trudging my way through this book something keeps sticking out at me. In grade one, we were given the assignment to write a story. I wrote a book about a bird named Melanie. Melanie loved to sing but had lost her voice. After trying a variety of things to regain her ability to sing, she drank a glass of water and sang happily ever after...
My teacher was very impressed with my story, and "published" it into a book that my Mom still has today. I don't know many six-year-olds who can pump out a story with a beginning, middle, end and conflict that gets resolved. I'm not trying to brag here, because honestly at 24, with a BA in English, I don't think I could sit here and give you a low-down of all the elements of a story. But that's how its always been with writing for me. I start and somehow all the blanks get filled in. In ways I cannot explain.
Maybe that's my element.
Oh, and as for my title of this post? It's from a Simon & Garfunkle song and its true. I hate the news but I love the weather network. If this writing thing doesn't work, I think I'll try and be a weather girl.
Sara, this jam is for you. Thanks for asking me to write *Ish
