Hi, my name is Ashley and I’m kind of a control freak. I am bossy and theres a good chance that I will think I know a better way to do something than you do and I will then make sure we do it my way.
Well, now that we got that nonsense outta the way. Lately, I have really noticed a common theme during times of stress that seem to really hit me hard. I tend to feel really stressed out when I don’t get my way. Whether it’s something really big, like breaking up with the person I thought I was going to marry, or not getting to do what I want on a Friday night. It really upset me when I don’t get my way!
Silly? Yes. Childish? Most definitely. A fact of being a broken human being? Sure. A good way to live? No.
I know that I have a lot of trouble ahead of me if I can’t learn to deal with not getting my way. Especially because I am a follower of Jesus and I claim to be His servant who will follow wherever He leads. However, as I learn more and more each day my plans more often than not, do not really coincide with Gods plans. Sometimes when I’m listening and praying we meet each other halfway. More often than not, I go off to Ashley land, make a big elaborate plan for something I want to happen in my life and then feel really crushed and stressed when it doesn’t happen exactly as I planned.
Ooops.
So, learning to let go and let God has not at all been easy and I’m still learning and praying and struggling through some really tough time. Like last weekend. For some reason everything was really hitting me hard, possibly due to hormones. I felt like every door I’ve tried to open for myself in the past two years has firmly and promptly been shut on me. While I’m trying my best to let go of my plans and be open to going with the flow, letting go of some things has been extremely difficult. Last Friday, after a particularly hard day I climbed into bed and opened up my latest devotional book Solo: Uncommon Devotional. Seeing as God is pretty awesome he gave me exactly what I needed to hear. Here is a part of the passage that I was assigned to read:
“Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential and Mary has chosen – its the main course, and it won’t be taken from her.” Luke 10:41-42
While the context that it comes from is a little different, it totally rang true for me. A little dose of perspective reminded me that I don’t need to fuss or get worked up over every little detail of my life. My hope is real, one day the main course won’t be taken from. I wish you could all hear my huge sigh of relief. My God will take care of me, and in the meantime, if I can learn to stop planning and controlling my life may surprise me – in a good way.
This song is making everything okay right now.
*Ish
